a poem about bullying

houses built on houses

that lead up to the sand

inside the children huddled

hoping the moonlight brings them warmth

 

hid away in closet spaces

their eyes search for the corners

where no one speaks their name

because attention brings with it shame

 

uncertain that their lungs should fill with air

when life seems to attempt

to shake their tiny hands

like raindrops from his coat

 

men and women like skyscrapers

that bend above their heads

peering in with glassy eyes

confuse youth with vitality

 

sheets sullied of their innocence

gods robbed of their splendor by the lack of worshipful praise

we offer canned responses

but our love, it will never reach them

 

so long as we allow the broken to break them

so long as we let the weak come to steal

what, so early in life, is planted in such shallow soil

and when stolen, mismanage our sky scraper hands to replant.

 

your child that is grieving

they only hear the rain

they’re asking for forgiveness

for the sins they now own

given them by the thief that stole their

 

innocence.

 

The Bad Habit Of Artistic Pride

“Some artists will cringe at what they created early in their artistic lives. Yet every song, every wardrobe choice was part of a deeply satisfying conversation they were having.” – Dan Haseltine

dan haseltine is a member of the band jars of clay which i have been following since before i started playing music. it could be said that the reason i ever wished to play guitar was their self-titled album that i listened to for the first time when i was thirteen years old. my friend kelly packer (whose last name is no longer packer) lent the album to me. their lyrics and melodies took hold of me in a way no other album has ever done in my life. jars of clay is a band deeply and hopelessly entrenched in the contemporary christian culture. a landscape that they helped in shaping.

as i consider creating my career, my space in the music scene, my brand and what impact i wish to have, dan’s words hit home. as a believer i always have this burning sensation at the back of my head when i write and play songs and perform in bars. “is this the way i should be doing this?”, “i should be writing more music about jesus”, “it’s my ego that causes me to do this”, and sillier notions. but engaging that aspect of my music exclusively, a place where every song is about jesus or worship, which is what contemporary christian music requires you to do, seems like it would be forced and disingenuous.

shortly after i began playing guitar i began leading worship at the christian school i went to high school in. it was fun, i was capable, and a lot of what i enjoyed about it was the challenge of playing guitar. but i quickly learned that i did not have a heart for leading people in worship. that while i am playing music the furthest thing from my mind is a worshipful heart, and my most immediate concern is getting things right, and sounding good. it was here i first realized i felt awkward and insincere when attempting to help people during worship. so i quickly abandoned playing other people’s music and chord charts for writing and composing my own music. music i could sing sincerely that meant something to me.

looking back on the music i first began composing, i’m not ashamed of a single line or a single note. it might be a bad habit, but i’m proud of every song i’ve written. when you’re in a band and you’re writing songs it’s inevitable that something gets made fun of. songwriting is such an intimate and sentimental thing and intimacy and sentiment are not things groups of guys can take seriously for very long. our hearts are foolish things, and that is one thing i love about music is to help my heart not feel so foolish and alone.

jars of clay is a band that is finding itself in a place where it’s trying to evolve artistically and rebel against the expectations put on their band by their “genre”. i find myself in a similar place deciding where to begin building my home. right now i’ve erected a hut in the woods.

i want to move into the city.

My Band’s Website Just Launched!

Check it out here: http://www.thelastgoldleaf.com

Download the new EP for FREE from Noisetrade!

HERE.

Courtesy of Colleen Leise

 

FIRST LISTEN to the new EP

Presenting: The Last Gold Leaf

Campfire Pop: An Acoustic EP

let me know what you think in the comments!

I’ll have announcements for shows soon!

cheers,

D

more

i’ve been thinking again lately about what kind of musician i want to be. specifically in the context of what kind of band The Last Gold Leaf should be. the title of the band is borrowed from this blog which is borrowed from a poem by langston hughes. it’s called autumn note.

Autumn Note
By Langston Hughes

The little flowers of yestersay
Have all forgotten May.
The last gold leaf
Has turned to brown.
The last bright day is grey
The cold of winter comes apace
And you have gone away.

the whole idea behind “the last gold leaf” is that moment just before everything changes. trying to capture that sensation when you realize that you’re between things. you still remember vividly the way things were and can do nothing but step forever into the way things are.

something about that fascinates me. the irresistibility of time. the day a childhood friend moved away. the day you had your first kiss, the day a friend took his life, the day someone betrays you. there are clear distinctions in the way the world looks before and after those events. there is no going back. but you remember the innocence. long for it, dream of it, even. but no amount of sentimentality can return you.

i want this project, the last gold leaf, to expose something about people. the thing about exposing people is that people already know themselves. they know their deeds and thoughts in the dark moments. the trick is recreating that darkness in a public way that makes them come to terms and inspires a reaction. fear, hurt, heartache, loneliness, hate, lustfulness. its strange to think that any reaction will do because all of it leads to change.

it seems almost every addict that ever kicked their habit met that point where they knew they either had to die to that habit or embrace it and meet certain death.

i struggle with my role as an artist and a believer. my traditionally ingrained response is that my responsibility is to inspire people to change only for the positive. but i know as an artist that the art i create is much more powerful when it shakes people from where they feel safe and kicking them out into the streets. setting them on uncertain ground, out where they have to change. or meet certain death.

i want to create the lascivious. the scandalous. the opinionated. i want everyone to have an opinion on what i do.

by the way:

So It’s Been A While…

Sorry about that. But I’ve got new music for you! Rather, if you’re following at all, it’s not NEW per sé, but it is, as of yet, unheard. It’s a track off of the band The Last Gold Leaf’s upcoming EP! Our good friend Miles Paquette-Falk engineered and edited the album and yours truly edited it. The album is days away from finally being finished and I’m very excited because it’s the first record I’ve done that had a theme or idea behind it from beginning to end. I wouldn’t say it’s a concept album, it doesn’t feel like it warrants such a grand phrase. And, like most art it always will feel like a work in progress, but the creative process must end sometime.

So! Without further ado, I Won’t Quit You:

Stay tuned for announcements as to an exact upcoming release date and shows in support of the EP.

Cheers,

D